My birthday is just around the corner. In a couple months I turn the big 3-0! This birthday seems to be quite effective in creating a new buzz through out my being. I will no longer be in my twenties. A decade I dedicated to selfishness, abundance, heartache, adventure, expectations, failed expectations, work, love and so many other people, places and things. All in the name of youth! Second chances! It was extremes. Extremely wonderful and at the same time extremely devastating.... but that is what your 20's are for. Right?!I suppose I am having a hard time with my own personal retrospect of all this. I am finding it hard to combine the past with the present. It is like two people in a room fighting to be the center of attention. It's one friend (the past) yelling out "Hey! Remember what I did! It was so fun and cool! Can I tell you all about it?" and the other friend (the present) is yelling "Excuse me, I am talking! Nobody wants to hear what you have to say right now."
There are definitely a few things that I am glad I grew out of. Traits that seem to follow you around when you are young. Like talking to much because it is uncomfortable in your own silence, not exactly appreciating your body, physically or emotionally, and sacrificing your true self because you want to be accepted and loved. I have to say though, I do feel this wave of control coming over me as I ease out of this past decade and into the next. I look forward to having real confidence instead of false. I am in touch with my body and mind more than I have ever been and I am the most genuine representation of myself thus far. This seems to calm the ugly head of anxiety that at times creeps out during this "coming of age" process.
So- with all this new emotion and energy that this change brings, I will be channeling it with all my might. I am on a new journey now. One of education, creation, self assurance and enchantment. I know there will be moments where all of this will be easier said than done, but I am promising myself that I will take full advantage of what my future has to offer.
On a lig
hter note! I will be spending my birthday in Miami this year with some friends. I am so excited. I have not yet been to the famed South Beach. I will also be throwing a party at my new house. I will keep everyone posted on that event.Youth passes like a dream.
- Theocritus
xoxo
